David asked, “Wasn’t this always going to be about, ‘together in good times and in bad times?”
And continued without waiting for Gesha to answer, “I can’t recall us agreeing to sometimes having a ‘me’ time in ‘our’ relationship.”
If a relationship is about ‘we’, why should a ‘me’ time still be necessary?
If it’s necessary, wouldn’t a ‘me’ time lead to barely tolerable isolations? And wouldn’t that defeat the fundamental purpose of having a relationship?
Self care may create conflicts in a relationship but if it’s done the right way, it would strengthen the bond of togetherness.
Strengthening the bond that joins two together is the primary justification for self care in a relationship.
A relationship is started when two people realize that they need to partner with someone else to face life’s challenges and live a happy life.
After a relationship is begun, its continuity depends on how much partners are willing to compromise to arrive at things that promote common happiness.
Now, it’s important to find the correct answer to the question, “How much compromise is necessary for the health of a relationship and for the well being of partners?”
Partners should compromise in every area except areas that would affect their longevity, wellness and happiness.
What this means is that, partners should also have the time to pursue solo hobbies for the sake of their well being and happiness.
The only way they can achieve this is through self care; they need to find the time to spend a ‘me’ time in a relationship that’s about ‘we’.
Apart from the strengthening of bond, what other good things does self care do for a relationship?
- It strengthens trust:
One of the ways of having a ‘me’ time in a relationship is to go on a solo vacation.
Allowing your partner to have a ‘me’ is a lot of sacrifice, not to mention accepting your better half to go on a solo vacation.
It takes a high level of trust to allow your spouse to go on a solo vacation. It’s vice versa, it shows that you have a significant level of trust in your partner, to leave them and embark on a solo vacation.
It would have been waved off as nothing if it was to go perform an official job responsibility. Otherwise it’s ‘unusual’ under normal circumstances, for half of a pair to go on a vacation alone with everyone consenting to it. This is trust in action.
The more this is done without any conflicts, the stronger the trust.
2. It refreshes the relationship:
Occasionally, going for that walk you enjoy alone or spending time with good old friends without having your spouse around is another way to self care. You come away feeling refreshed.
The freshness is contagious. Except you come back to meet a partner spoiling for a fight, you are going to carry the excitement into your relationship.
Wouldn’t the home be electrified if you came back to meet an excited spouse to share your excitement and happiness with? It would be a breath of fresh air.
All relationships need a breath of fresh air every now and then to energize it and increase its lifespan.
3. It actually minimizes conflicts:
Spending a ‘me’ time reflecting on the journey of your life should take you down the self discovery path.
The hard work that goes into building a relationship takes time, energy and focus.
With so much time and other resources committed to build a great union, little is left to invest in self discovery.
A ‘me’ time is an opportunity to sit down alone and do a productive self assessment.
It’s always a great time to ask. ‘How many of my personal goals have I achieved so far?” “How much of my potential have I used so far?” “Am I fulfilled yet?”
The answers you receive for these questions and others should help you redefine your personal goals. Then factor them into your relationship.
Aligning your goals with those of your relationship should minimize conflicts because focus is clearer and boundaries are clearly defined.
4. Self discovery can lead to new opportunities for couple:
Now, we know self care is a great opportunity for a continuous self discovery that fixes the focus on personal and general goals.
And it’s often in moments of self discovery that people become aware of opportunities to realize dreams and live happily.
A partner that discovers new opportunities during a ‘me’ is likely to share them with the other half. New perspectives could be given and discussed to birth better collective ideas.
As collective ideas, It would be easy to get the cooperation of both partners to put such ideas into action.
5. It exposes areas that need immediate attention:
A ‘me’ time is usually a good time to pause and do a critical assessment of a relationship.
During the assessment, areas of weakness needing immediate attention could be uncovered by a partner and brought to the attention of the other.
The couple would then explore ways to strengthen weak areas and by extension, add to the lifespan of their relationship.
A ‘me’ time is also a great time for a partner to ‘tell truth to self’ and make resolutions to make amends for the wellbeing of the relationship..
6. It gives the relationship authenticity:
Couples who find no qualms indulging about self care are comfortable in accepting each other for who they are.
A’ me’ time is sought by each half to engage in interests which the other half doesn’t find appealing and exciting.
It’s therefore an opportunity to be authentic to you and to your partner.
Doing those things that make you happy convey a deeper and stronger message in ways better than discussions. Remember that actions speak than words.
So it’s a great way to test the genuiness of your acceptability to your partner.
7. It improves the life span of both the partners and their relationship.
Where couple find happiness in doing things together and also allow each to seek solo happiness, the lifespan of a relationship is increased.
Only happy partners build happy relationships. Study proves that happy people who know that they are happy, have higher chances of living longer.
And happy people in a happy relationships will most likely want to live together as one for a long time.