At the beginning of every relationship, it often seems that the laughter won’t stop, the joy will always go on; nothing can ever go wrong.Then the angels of love have brought you someone who will never wrong you.
Soon, the bubble bursts, the reality takes over. Your sweet angel is suddenly the devil’s messenger of Conflicts. Conflicts become frequent and the option to resolve them as many times as you could is always available.
Resolving conflicts in relationships multiple times, is the only option for those who are committed to a long term relationship.
Though resolution attempts will not always be successful but they often offer the opportunity to clear the river of dirts and debris. A young relationship is like a river flowing towards a larger body of water, the closer it gets to a bigger water, the fewer the dirts.
Conflict resolutions in relationships strengthen the bond. So, when there is a conflict in your relationship, avoid the following mistakes;
1. Don’t be defensive. Being self-opinionated and self-righteous are habits that erect walls. They are signs of pride. The “I didn’t do anything wrong” will shut your mind to reasons and the need to embrace the chance for a quick resolution.
The first step to resolving a relationship conflict is to drop your defenses and open your heart to take the blame and apologize when you realize you’re wrong.
In most conflict situations, apologizing as against holding your grounds, soften the heart and put out the fire in a surprisingly quicker way..
What’s is there to defend stubbornly without a moment to stop and think objectively?
A relationship is not a competitive sport, it’s a never ending journey made by two to find the happiness that is difficult to have without one another. A relationship is not a union between rivals. And, happiness and incessant conflicts are strange bedfellows.
2. Try not to be evasive. These words, “Let’s talk” shouldn’t remind you of an urgent meeting, an urgent work, deadlines to meet and other reasons not to find an immediate solution to a problem.
Take the bull by the horns and face it head on. Every other thing can wait while you resolve issues in your relationship. This is very important, as your relationship is the heart of a balanced life.
Evasion of an opportunity that may resolve a conflict in a relationship is dangerous. The consequence is leaving a crisis to fester, produce awkward moments and allowing the relationship to teeter on the brink of a breakup.
3. When there is a conflict, walking away from the relationship shouldn’t be the first option.
Don’t walk away without exhausting all options available to resolve the conflict.
A relationship is not a bed of roses. It’s a beautiful garden of roses but blighted here and there by occasional ugliness. The magic in relationships comes alive when humility and understanding are given space and time to turn ugliness to beauty.
4. Don’t change your personality. When there’s a conflict, you may want to change, to shape into the image that you think is expected of you by your partner. But this will be a mistake. Don”t live a lie just to keep a relationship.
A relationship is not for chameleons , it’s for real human beings who stay faithful to themselves and to their partners at all times. So, always and always be yourself. Always have it in front of you, that you were loved in the first place for who you are and not for what you are.
If you’re convinced that faking your personality is the solution, don’t forget about the worst that would happen when truth eventually triumps.
5. Protesting louder to ‘win’ the battle is a big mistake. There are very few human beings who don’t take part in bloody personality contests. These are those in pursuit of higher goals. They understand that little things don’t matter.
Therefore, when there’s a conflict between you and your partner at home, fighting to come out the winner only bruises the ego of the ‘loser’.
What to do is to adopt the ‘no Victor no vanquished’ approach. And this approach suggests that you calmly listen to differing opinions and toe the path of peace. There’s never a reward for the winner of a relationship conflict.
5. Don’t stereotype. Avoid the urge to stereotype . It’s difficult to safely conclude that everyone with certain traits all ‘run to type.’ there’s always going to be an exception. Even if it were possible to make such an assumption with hundred percent accuracy, a relationship is no place for that.
Stereotyping and getting it right or wrong only pours more fuel into the conflict. Compare not because every individual is unique in their very distinctive and special ways. A time of conflict is not the right time to criticize.
Now, isn’t it likely that stereotyping in the time of a conflict could arouse the suspicion that you re yet to appreciate sacrifices made by your partner? If this suspicion is aroused and sustained, then a seed of doubt about your commitment is planted.
6. Don’t walk the moral high ground. You may have overlooked an offence worse than the mole hill your partner is making a mountain of. And in the depth of your heart, you are prepared not to let anything come between both of you but none of your strengths should be used as a standard in times of relationship conflicts.
Forget about your partner’s infractions you forgave in the past. Forget about your past sarifices and offer a clean slate..
7. Wear your partner’s shoes in times of conflict. Don’t be apathetic but be empathetic. It’s when you feel what it’s like that you know what it’s like.
Don’t be presumptuous. Walk in those shoes objectively, pay attention to how they pinch. The pains should help you to find the best way to resolve the conflict.
Your partner may not be overreacting. They may genuine and urgent concerns that require your unbiased attention and presence of mind. So try to understand but by not psychoanalyzing. Don’t patronize.
8. Avoid the urge to blame. When things go wrong in your relationship and they lead to a conflict of opinions and decisions, blame nothing and blame no one. You close the door, even momentarily, to a quick resolution of a relationship when you blame the cause or causes on something or on your partner.
When you blame, you put your partner on the defensive. How do you think they will react? By protesting and attacking. Then things possibly, could get very nasty and if not quickly arrested, may result in a dissolution of the relationship.
On the other hand, when you refuse to engage in the blame game and suggest a readiness to understand with an open heart, the door to a quick peaceful resolution is opened.
9. Refusing to initiate the blame game is avoiding to extirpate long buried carcass of a past misdeed. Bringing up past misunderstandings, which your partner had forgotten about could call to question; the genuiness of the love you claim to have for them.
Love is supposed to cover everything. Love is supposed not to look back except to sweet past memories.
10. Don’t turn a deaf ear. When there’s a conflict in your relationship, put on the garment of an effective listener.
Listen with your heart, keep your mind from wandering. Feel all emotions of the speaker and see the situation through their mind’s eye. When you succeed at this, you get the real picture of the best way to solve the problem.
11. Finally, be more determined to keep your relationship after every conflict. Don’t make the mistake of giving up too easily and too quickly.
It’s true, it’s not entirely in your hands, your partner must have your same level of commitment. But it gives peace of mind to know that you did your best to salvage a situation which the outcome wasn’t entirely in your hands.