Marriage, The Healer Of Old Wounds From The Family?- Relationship.

Many people today are scared of going into marriage because of ‘old wounds from the family’.

They don’t want to go through the abuse all over again as adults but marriage could actually heal those old wounds.

Linda and Charlie Bloom (Of Stronger at the Broken Places) tell how below.

“Sometimes, the greatest lessons that we learn in
our family of origin have more to do with what we don’t want than what we do. Judith grew up in a family that valued money beyond
all else. Her father, a
product of the
depression, had grown up in poverty and had, as a young person committed himself to a
life in which neither he, nor anyone in his family would ever know the kind of poverty that he
had known as a child.

Her father was
materially successful,
but at a great price to
his relationships with
his children and other
family members.
In her words, “My father kept his promise to himself to have plenty of money, but he paid a huge price to keep his
word. Everyone in the
family did. Neither of
my parents knew very
much about proper
parenting. My father
was verbally abusive,
and said things to me
like ‘You’ll never
amount to anything.’
Like him, I made a
promise when I was
growing up. I swore
that I would never let
money became more
important than my
relationships, especially with those people with whom I cared about most deeply.”

Even as a young adult,
she worked for her
father and he continued to verbally abuse her publicly. They had a contentious relationship, and couldn’t even be in
the same room together because the tension was too high. When Judith realized that she had spent her entire life trying to avoid her father’s abuse, she left
to take a job elsewhere.

At her new job, she fell in love with Jake and got married. They were thriving as a couple and
doing well financially,
but her marriage had
difficulty because she
lived with a pervasive
feeling of scarcity and
insufficiency. Jake was devoted to her, kind and considerate, and yet she felt chronically anxious.
It was the warmth,
security and support of her marriage that
allowed her to consider a different orientation toward her father.

Through a long series of conversations with her husband, she realized
that her feelings of
insecurity were related to her feelings of being unloved by her dad. She cried in Jake’s arms when she contacted the
helplessness she felt
about feeling that she
could never win her
dad’s approval. She
connected the dots, and realized that acquiring peace of mind would require that she would
finally deal with the
anger that she had
accumulated as a
consequence of having spent years absorbing her father’s judgments.”


Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s